The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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