There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
