the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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