If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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