Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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