drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
