this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
