My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
