where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
