Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
