No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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