I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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