so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
