i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
