my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
