Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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