I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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