is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
