I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
