Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
