so that wasnt chicken after all
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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