you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
