you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
