i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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