i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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