Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
