my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
