too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
