Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
