she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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