well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
smell my finger.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
