Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
