Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
