Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
