its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
