I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
