Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
