It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
