A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
