You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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