Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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