so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
