Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
