Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
