Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
And then he peed in my hair
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