So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
