Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
