A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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