i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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