He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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