i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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