YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
